📈 Financial Bullshit Generator

What is the Financial Bullshit Generator?

The financial bullshit generator turns real finance buzzwords into confident, completely unaccountable market commentary. Use it for your resume, your quarterly earnings call, or explaining to your partner why the portfolio is "consolidating."

Phrases mix classic resume verbs (spearheaded, tripled, cross-sold) with Wall Street favorites like EBITDA, alpha, and liquidity events, plus a few assets your advisor probably shouldn't recommend.

How to use it

1. Click Make Financial Bullshit.
2. Paste the result into your resume, your pitch deck, or a group chat that didn't ask.
3. Remember: past bullshit is not indicative of future bullshit.

10 examples from the Financial Bullshit Generator

• We're bullish on tax-advantaged clearing houses but bearish on the concept of retirement.
• Dear shareholders: we are not losing money. We are building long-term value (it's gone).
• My strategy is simple: buy a timeshare in Branson, sell a self-storage unit I've never opened, and blame interest rates.
• We're not losing money, we're pre-profitable.
• Outpaced innovative estate planning, resulting in a 35% increase in LinkedIn followers.
• Our thesis: sophisticated index funds are undervalued, much like my contributions in the group chat.
• Solidified off-balance-sheet brokers while maintaining plausible deniability.
• Forecasted high-yield initiatives for my grandma, generating 36 basis points of pure vibes.
• Q3 outlook: exchanges up, my confidence down, morale sideways.
• The fundamentals of sophisticated reverse mergers are strong. The fundamentals of my 401(k) are not.

Our financial jargon word list

Resume-ready action verbs, Wall Street adjectives and finance nouns. Combine one from each column for an instant resume bullet.