📖 Corporate Jargon Dictionary

Action item

A task assigned during a meeting. Actually means: A task assigned to whoever left the meeting first.

Agentic

AI that can take actions on its own. Actually means: A chatbot that can now also send the wrong email.

Alignment

Agreement among stakeholders on a goal. Actually means: Everyone nodding on a call while privately disagreeing.

Bandwidth

Capacity to take on work. Actually means: "I don't want to do this, but I can't say no."

Best practice

A proven, recommended method. Actually means: The way the last consultant did it.

Boil the ocean

Attempt something too large in scope. Actually means: What we'll do anyway, but in phases.

Circle back

Return to a topic later. Actually means: Never return to this topic.

Core competency

What a company does best. Actually means: The one thing we haven't outsourced yet.

Deep dive

A thorough analysis. Actually means: A meeting that will run 45 minutes over.

Deliverable

A tangible output of a project. Actually means: A slide deck.

Disrupt

Fundamentally change an industry. Actually means: Do the same thing, but with an app.

Double-click

Explore a topic in more detail. Actually means: Make a simple thing take a second meeting.

Ecosystem

A network of related products or partners. Actually means: Several things that don't work together, sold as a bundle.

Empower

Give someone authority to act. Actually means: Give someone responsibility without a budget.

EOD

End of day. Actually means: Sometime before the heat death of the universe.

Fast-paced environment

A dynamic workplace. Actually means: Understaffed.

Game changer

Something with a transformative impact. Actually means: A minor update with a launch event.

Going forward

From now on. Actually means: We're not going to talk about what just happened.

Growth mindset

Belief that skills can be developed. Actually means: Don't complain about the extra work.

Hard stop

A firm end time for a meeting. Actually means: I have another meeting I care about more.

Holistic

Considering the whole system. Actually means: We haven't thought about the details.

Hustle

Working hard with energy. Actually means: Unpaid overtime with good branding.

Ideate

Generate ideas. Actually means: Sticky notes. So many sticky notes.

Learnings

Lessons gained from experience. Actually means: The project failed.

Leverage

Use something to maximum advantage. Actually means: Use.

Low-hanging fruit

Easy wins. Actually means: The only work anyone will actually do this quarter.

Move the needle

Create meaningful impact. Actually means: Make the chart go up before the board meeting.

North star

A guiding goal or metric. Actually means: A metric we'll change next quarter.

Offline

Discuss outside the meeting. Actually means: Please stop talking in front of everyone.

Pain point

A problem a customer experiences. Actually means: A problem we can charge for.

Paradigm shift

A fundamental change in approach. Actually means: We changed the logo.

Per my last email

A reference to earlier correspondence. Actually means: Can you read?

Ping

Send a quick message. Actually means: Interrupt someone 14 times a day.

Pivot

Change business strategy. Actually means: The first plan didn't work and we're out of money.

Quick question

A brief inquiry. Actually means: A 40-minute conversation.

Quick win

An easy, early success. Actually means: Something we can put in the newsletter.

Reach out

Contact someone. Actually means: Send an email that will be ignored.

Reorg

A reorganization of company structure. Actually means: Same people, new boxes, more meetings.

Right-size

Adjust to the appropriate scale. Actually means: Layoffs.

Robust

Strong and reliable. Actually means: We added more features nobody asked for.

Scalable

Able to grow efficiently. Actually means: Works for now. Will break later.

Seamless

Smooth and uninterrupted. Actually means: You will not see the seams until it breaks.

Stakeholder

Anyone with an interest in a project. Actually means: Someone who must be cc'd on everything.

Streamline

Make more efficient. Actually means: Remove a step, add two approvals.

Synergy

Combined effect greater than the sum of its parts. Actually means: We merged and some of you are leaving.

Take it offline

Discuss later, separately. Actually means: Discuss never, separately.

Thought leader

A recognized authority in a field. Actually means: Someone who posts on LinkedIn at 5 AM.

Touch base

Briefly check in. Actually means: A meeting to schedule a meeting.

Unlimited PTO

No cap on vacation days. Actually means: No one takes vacation days.

Value add

Extra benefit provided. Actually means: The reason for the price increase.

We're a family

A close-knit company culture. Actually means: Please don't ask for a raise.

Wheelhouse

Area of expertise. Actually means: The only thing you're allowed to work on.

Win-win

Beneficial for both parties. Actually means: Beneficial for us, and you get to say you were included.

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